Grief and Why It Comes in Waves
Unfortunately, everyone will experience grief at one point or another in life. It’s a normal reaction to a loss such as the death of a loved one or friend, the end of a relationship, or other negative life events.
Because there is no one-size-fits-all approach or sign of grief, it’s important to understand those signs, the different types of grief, that it can come in waves, and why that happens.
Signs of Grief
In the aftermath of a loss, a wide range of signs and symptoms can be experienced. Depending on the situation, these can vary, but common signs and symptoms of grief include:
Ruminating on what’s happened and being unable to focus on anything else
Going through the motions and being “numb” to surroundings
Being unable to eat and not staying hydrated
Oversleeping or being unable to sleep
Immense sadness or crying at a moment's notice–usually without warning or triggers
Uncontrollable emotions such as crying, sadness, anger, confusion
Why grief comes in waves
You can go days, weeks, or even months without that feeling, and then all of a sudden, something happens that makes you remember the loss you’ve experienced. The key here is understanding that you can and will get through it. Most people have heard of the stages of grief. Many will assume that because of these stages, grief is a linear process. That once you move from one stage, you go to the next, and so and so forth. Then you are at the end and you are healed.
While it would be fantastic if it worked like that, unfortunately, it doesn't. The reality is that you may experience the stages of grief over and over again. They won't be in order, either. And there's nothing wrong with that. The grieving process is not something that can or should be rushed.
There are many reasons why grief comes in waves. Some common triggers can include:
Everyday life
Things in daily life can remind you of the loss you’ve experienced. This can include hearing a song or seeing something that reminds you of the loss. For example, if you hear a favorite song or someone says a phrase that a loved one used to say, it could make you sad or make you miss your loved one if you haven't heard it recently.
A new reality is difficult.
It’s common to think about the what-ifs after loss and if you could’ve somehow stopped or changed things. Getting into a new routine or filling the gaps and holes you lost once occupied is also difficult.
Events and big moments
In many cases, grief strikes during those big life moments. For a child, it could be if they lost a parent before prom or graduation, they feel grief on those days. For an adult, it could be not having a loved one at their wedding or other major life event.
How to Deal with Grief
Grief can feel impossible to move on from. When you lose something that was important to you, it can feel as if your whole life has been turned upside down and shattered. Throughout this process, remember that there is no timeline for grief and that it should no longer impact you. In fact, it's not uncommon to still experience grief symptoms long after someone has passed because of the nature of the loss. Remember that even if you are still grieving, there is nothing wrong with that and no one has the power to tell you when you need to "move on."
If you are struggling to cope with grief after a major loss, don't hesitate to reach out for help. While we may not be able to change the reality of the situation, grief counseling can help you find ways to cope with your new chapter.
